Read I Suck at Girls by Justin Halpern Online

I Suck at Girls

"Human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello. Then it ain't the unknown anymore and it ain't scary. Or I guess it could be a shitload scarier."Fans of the #1 bestseller Sh*t My Dad Says will recognize the always-patient voice of Justin Halpern's dad as it crackles through the pages of this hysterical new book. The story begins when Justin takes his dad out to lunch to announce that he's decided to propose to his girlfriend.You've been dating her for four years," his dad replies. "It ain't like you found a parallel fucking universe.But eventually he gives Justin some advice: that he should take a day off and think back over everything he's learned in life about women, relationships, and himself before making his decision. And that's just what Justin doesrevisiting everything from his disastrous childhood crushes to the night he finally lost his virginity while working as a dishwasher at Hooters.I Suck at Girls is full of his dad's patented brand of wisdom. But it's also full of new characters just as funny as his dadfrom his brother, who provides insights into wedding night rituals ("You stand in one corner of the room, and she stands in the other. You each take off one piece of clothing at a time") to his first boss, who warns Justin to man up: "That's what a man does. He takes his shots and then he scrubs the shit out of some dishes." The result is a pilgrim's progress through the landscape of sex and loveby one of the funniest writers at work today....

Title : I Suck at Girls
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ISBN : -
Format Type : Kindle Edition
Number of Pages : 197 pages
Url Type : Home » Download » I Suck at Girls

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I Suck at Girls Reviews

  • Abrar Shafie

    Justin is ridiculously funny. and a good writer, obviously. his writing makes the punchline even funnier.

    but enough with jokes.

    somewhere along the second-last and the last story, i secretly hope that he will find a perfect woman for his sake (and of course he did). And after finished reading it, I smiled and know that what he experienced is probably how most of us will go through (well, except having a bunch of "advises" from his dad).

    oh, only 3 stars because i prefer "Shit My Dad Says" than thi

  • Chipo

    Initially gave this a 4 because I love Justin's dad since Sh*t my dad says, and it's a good book. But realized a LOT is missing. What caused their big break up with Amanda? How did he resolve it enough to know she's the one? Or maybe that was besides the point of the book but I just wanted the book to be longer.

    Still hilarious though

  • Kelly (and the Book Boar)

    Find all of my reviews at:

    I Suck At Girls is Justin Halpern's sophomore novel, and the inspiration behind the short-lived television show Surviving Jack. I began watching said T.V. show for one reason . . .

    According to my family we all wanted to watch it because the commercials were so funny and made the show look entertaining, but . . . nope. I just wanted to spend 30 minutes looking at Christopher Meloni.

    Turns out the show was pretty funny too . . .

    It's a

  • Julianne Stueben

    I loved Shit My Dad Says and this was also pretty good! This was more stories rather than quotes like the first book but good nonetheless :) glad it ended well too

  • Kelli

    Justin Halpern may suck at girls but one thing he does not suck at is choosing a good narrator. The narration here was superb, from the crotchety dad (the undisputed funniest part of the book) to the numerous Saturday Night Live skit-worthy girl voices. High comedy! But without question the best achievement was getting that perfect incredulous tone every time Justin said "What?" The number of times someone said something so out of left field, confusing, or totally inappropriate to Justin through ...more

  • Krissy

    Hilarious! I enjoyed this only slightly less than Sh*t My Dad Says.

  • John

    Warning: before you pick up Justin Halpern's I Suck at Girls to read for the first time, be sure to set your coffee down. Failure to do so may result in some spilled beverage all over the book pages or your Kindle.

    You know, it really hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose...

    Without dropping any spoilers, the author dedicates his newest book to Amanda, and it quickly becomes clear in the first chapter that she was his focus. Early on we find that he has decided to propose to her, so he goes t

    "Human beings do dumb sh*t. You do dumb sh*t. She does dumb sh*t. Everyone does dumb sh*t. Then, every once in a while, we have a moment where we don't do dumb sh*t, and then we throw a goddamned parade and we forget all the dumb sh*t we did. So what I'm saying to you is, don't do something, or not do something, to punish someone because you think they did something dumb. Do what you want to do, because it's what you want to do. Also, bring me a grapefruit from the kitchen and some salt and pepper."

    First time readers may be jolted with the frequently profane dialogue issued forth by Justin's eloquent father, who has his own way of expressing himself. Readers of Halpern's earlier book, Sh*t My Dad Says, will not find this surprising in the least. And fans of this earlier work will not be disappointed with Justin's odyssey.

    Unsurprisingly, his father doesn't mince words in the least, and this book is a collection of some of those lessons learned in his quest to learn better in his dealings with the females of the species. And some of these are personal reflections, such as this:

    "Eventually, though, I came to the conclusion that I was the male equivalent of a Toyota Camry. You know: No one ever says, `I have to have a Toyota Camry.' But most people who spend some time in a Camry start to like it. `It's pretty reliable,' they think. `It doesn't have a lot of problems, and it's not bad to look at. You know what? I'd probably prefer a nicer car. But I can live with a Camry.'"

    Like many, this reader first became aware of the frequently expletive-laden comments issued by Justin's expressive father from his Twitter feed a few years ago. The author had been recording his father's voluble gems there, and in a little over a year he had over two million following those irreverent, other hilarious and sometimes thought-provoking words of his father. This of course resulted in his first book, published in 2010, which hit the New York Times Best Seller list for hardcover nonfiction, enduring at #1 for eleven weeks. It stayed on the bestseller list for almost a year.

    This book is filled with similar moments to Halpern's first one, and the descriptions of some of his adventures left me laughing openly. Again no spoilers, but look for the chapter in which he describes in finding a stash of hidden adult magazines, grabbing them and being pursued by "two bearded homeless men, each of whom looked like Nick Nolte rendered in beef jerky." That description was enough to get me laughing, but the narrative of what follows with his father is even better, and it did provoke even more open laughter.

    His encounter with Sarah, with the accompaniment of a rented video copy of "A Few Good Men" is a classic. It's one that many males can reflectively empathize with, and that chapter alone is worth the price of this book.

    The language found in both of Halpern's books might be distasteful to some readers, but in this one there's some real heart in the advice that Justin's father offers his son. It may not be the type of obscenities that many of us would interject our own advice to our kids, but this parent can say that upon occasion I thought of some of them.

    As his dad says: "Any idiot can get lucky once. Takes a special idiot to get lucky twice."

    There is wisdom in that parental admonition, and that's what makes this 5-star read so good. See for yourself - you won't be disappointed.

    Note: Portions of this review originally appeared on in a censored version, as the term "sh*t" is not allowed on that site, even in reference to the title of Justin Halpern's earlier book, Sh*t My Dad Says, due to their guidelines regarding objectionable content.

    5/29/2012 ...more

  • Deb

    **But he doesn’t suck at writing.**

    Perhaps Justin Halpern may have sucked at girls, but he certainly does not suck at writing. Just as was the case with his first book _Sh*t My Dad Says_, Justin’s writing is laugh-out-loud funny and underneath-it-all touching.

    After dating his fiancé Amanda for four years, Justin decides to propose to her. He enthusiastically shares his big news with his father who (in typical Halpern dad fashion) responds with: “I don’t know what you want from me. I’m happy for